October 29th, 2009
It’s Halloween, so allow me to get a little creepy, a tad silly, a skosh off center.
Halloween usually is mask, costume and pumpkin season, right?
I thought it would be fitting if something wicked this way comes ... like 31 fantasy Halloween bobblehead ideas I’d like to see, tapping notables here and abroad. Complete with individual accoutrements. More whimsical than spooky.
No, they’re not actually available, but couldn’t you see one jiggling on your dashboard? Trick or treat?
Here are my Halloween novelties:
Gov. Linda Lingle — singing My Fair Lady style, "In Hartford Hereford and Honolulu, hurriaces hardly ever happen," in response to Furlough Friday (hurricane) funding options.
Rick Blangiardi — debuts a new TV logo with the CBS eye sprouting NBC peacock feathers.
Kanye West — carries a mike and utters, “Beyonce has the best video.”
Susan Boyle — has a bad hair day but still belts out “I Dreamed a Dream.”
Andy Bumatai — comes with “remember tax filing deadline” reminder.
Coach Greg McMackin — a built-in yellow flag falls if he utters a gay slur.
Mayor Mufi Hannemann — dons interchangeable T-shirts, one declaring, “I will prevail as Governor” and the other, “I will stay on as Mayor and not derail rail.”
Chef Mavro — carries a “Bon Appetit, Julia Child” cookbook, including his own boeuf bourguignon recipe.
Dan Cooke — wonders out loud if his forecast includes a news anchor slot.
Roy Tokujo — wishes for the Maui “‘Ulalena” version of Madame Pele.
Donne Dawson — carries a “Location, location, location...bah, humbug” sign.
Augie T — hoists a road map which flags all the gyms and hole-in-the-wall show sites.
Hillary Clinton — barks a repeating refrain, “I am the secretary of state!”
Rod Tam — comes with Febreze spray bottle and Glade scented candles.
Chelsley “Sully” Sullenberger — modestly sighs, “For my next feat, I will walk on water.”
Jay Leno — chants, with anxiety, the mantra “10 p.m. is where it’s at” (for Hawai’i, it’s 9 p.m.).
Octomom — gleefully declares, “Who said eight is enough!?”
John Hirokawa — sings “there’s no business like snow business” amid faux snow.
Jon Gosselin — wears glasses that prevent straying eyes.
Norah Jones — giggles as she sings a hit-and-run song, “take the money and run.”
Father Damien — bears a golden halo befitting his sainthood.
Joe Moore —never notices his ratings drop, ’cause he’s got a binding KHON contract.
Loretta Ables Sayre — peddles shrunken heads that harmonize “Bali Ha‘i” with her.
Colt Brennan — mostly sitting these days, though he’s eager to pass.
Jim Nabors — shouts, “Gollee, 80 is the new 60.”
Ellen DeGeneres — pumps up her elbow, so she can geev ’em to Simon Cowell on “American Idol” next spring.
President Barack Obama — makes a noble peace sign and dons “Give Peace a Chance” headband.
Raiatea Helm — nibbles Hawaiian Host chocolates to welcome the holidays.
Howard Dicus — hopes for a better Skype feed, where his lips match his words.
David Letterman — counts down Top 10 reasons why indiscretions boost ratings.
Neil Abercrombie — seeks fashionable gubernatorial running mate named Fitch.
And do you have one to add to the list? Share it!